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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?